just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
