ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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