I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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