Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
