i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
