So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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