Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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