his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
