apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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