This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
