So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
