Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
