Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
