so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
