my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
