Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
