in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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