I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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