how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
