dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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