If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
