then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
