I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
