Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
