A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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