My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
