he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
