I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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