You're completely useless in the revolution.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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