she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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