A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
