Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize