I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
