yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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