My first STD was from a foam party
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
