remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
