halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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