My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
