I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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