Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
FUCK WHALES
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
