TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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