talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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