Is it because I queefed?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
