I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize