that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
