yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
