I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
