Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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