What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
