I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
