8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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