Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
