So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
third nipple confirmed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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