you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
