I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
