drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
