so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize