You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
