I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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