i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
