you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
