He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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