Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
