aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
