I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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