he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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