I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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