This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You are the jesus of drinking
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
