I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
