Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize