You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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